It's been 3 years

It's been 3 years..
Nothing much has changed... unfortunately. I feel like things are worst.
I've hurt myself again.. something I haven't done in a very long time.
I feel numb, sad, confused and I can't seem to find a way to stop or how to even help myself.

I dont really know what to do.

I've lost alot of friends
I'm losing my relationship with my sister...
I feel so alone.

I'm not exactly sure what to do.
I feel like my depression is getting worst.. and know one even knows it.

I don't know.

Lately, I've been thinking alot about letting you go. I know I still care about you, and I know that I love you. I just can't see myself WITH you anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love you. I love everything about you and all the little things that I didnt know. I love the bad things and the goofy things and things that aren't even important. But what I realize is that I just love you. Theres nothing else, nothing that draws me to you anymore. IDk, maybe its just my life right now because somehow some way I keep running back to you. It sucks that I wish you can see how much I care, and worry about you. Idk, i'm just so confuse right now.

19.

NINE TEEN. So far its been so bad. I can't even explain how I feel. Oh boy. =/

Honestly

It's draining me. I can't breathe. This thing with you and me, it's driving me crazy. I see myself slowly losing it. Mentally. Emotionally. Constant disappointments, heartaches, frustrations, anticipations blah blah and etc. I feel like my heart is about to explode sometimes. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM when im with you. All I do know is that I love being around you, and i'm sad when i'm not. As simple as that sound, why is it so complicated? =(

Sometimes I feel like its better off if I just stop seeing you all together..

The only time i like writing in here is to write about you.
Because in the back of my mind, I don't want to forget about anything that involves you.

But I'm so happy when I'm with you...
It's just sooooo hard to not love you.
Im trying so hard to just love you as a friend

but days like this is just hard.

maybe its just best that we aren't close..

I hate stupid girls. You think your the only ones who been in love.
You stay hoping he'll change, hoping that if he just loved you more he'll stay.
Ugh I hate how pathetic you loook. Who are you. You werent like this 4 months ago.