sacrifices, and a whole lot of bullshit.

Alright so lent is here to all those who have a catholic faith! I'm still undecided about how i feel about my religion. Obviously not that strong about it, but i decided to sacrifice a a few things in my hectic life. Why am i doing this? I'm not sure. But for some reason, it feels good to let some things go. Or to just put some type of discipline to myself. Whatever it is, it just simply makes me feel good.

So i gave up
1. Myspace and Facebook.
So far so good. even tho there were times that i was this close to slip! I'm like fighting not to go on! so addictive. 0geeez and its only been like 3 days!

2. Give up red meats!
Ex, pigs, cows, lamb, etc! only poultry!

3.Give up cursing...
(did not work out, i had to remove this, lol. i mean c'mn look at the tittle of this blog.)

4, Paying it forward.
Go this idea from Rob. Just simply make myself better... put more effort in alot of stuff i do. Like stuff with family, friends, school, attitude, etc... just try to be more of a better person.

I'll finish the second part of this blog tomorrow, since i have no where else i really can go except youtube, and aim and other non MS & FB sites. oh the joy to self inflicted pains

edit feb28 4:17pm

I feel so confuse. Every time i think im doing the right thing, it ends up being wrong. Or i think its wrong? Ugh i'm completely indecisive about things. I feel like the issues i am going through right now, is not even worth being an issue. But then again, it matters to me.

I think.. I'm mad that it hurts me this much. That i care about it this much. I swear it feels like im always being screwed over like this. Again and again that im realizing that its my fault. I'm just "too nice", and its not like i really say no. It's my fault for assuming you can read my mind when i feel like something is wrong.

Why does it feel like you don't care. People keep asking me why are you still friends with them if you hate what their doing to you so much? -- I guess the only reason i could say is that we had so many memories and so many first times with each other. I'm hanging on. Just because i know how it feels to lose friends and end up regretting that decision. I want to be fully prepared and be without a doubt, positively sure about what i should do.. and right now that's leading me to just move on and concentrate on myself.

Someone pointed out that i am growing up. Stuff their doing is what i did in middle school! Its so lame, and just pathetic. It calls for DESPERATE! Ugh. I feel like im so over it. I'm growing up, i'm not going to wait on them if they don't even have the decency to atleast be a friend to me. Because what kind of friends screw over the others? It's fucked up and you know it. I need neeed to move on. I need to stop being such a pushover, for the fact that you take advantage of me being a pushover. Were seperating in our own ways, and fine.. I'll meet new people and so will the both of you. I've already have. I wil not fuck up my senior year just cus you two did. You think your actions don't affect anyone, when they really do.


... but then again, how would you know if i never open my mouth.